October 29, 2014
A miracle occurred today in the checkout stand at my local Trader Joe’s! I was carded! Yes, asked for my identification to purchase two bottles of wine. Apparently my subterfuge of stealthily mixing 1500 millilitres of Sauvignon Blanc in with the $150 worth of pasta, frozen waffles, yogurt, soy sauce, olive oil and pumpkin cream cheese was simply not successful. There was no fooling that vigilant checker; I had to prove I was old enough to purchase alcoholic beverages.
Picture this – I am standing in my usual grocery line stupor watching the alarming monetary tally on the cashiers screen when the slightly grumpy older woman scanning my food stuffs (I mean older than me – you know – grandmother aged) says, “ID please.” I ignored her at first because I didn’t think she could possibly be talking to me; after all, my twenty year old son never gets carded. (Damn it)
She repeated her demand in a slightly louder and more irritated tone at which point I replied in my most intelligent voice,“Wah???? REALLY????????????????”
My excitement should have been her first clue. But no, she in a snotty tenor replied, “Yes. Reeeeaaallly.”
Purse, wallet, keys & lip balm went flying into the air like confetti at a surprise party as I gleefully pulled out my driver’s license and presented it to her with a flourish. Undaunted, she snatched it from my hand and started entering my date of birth into her cash register for verification. I quickly whipped out my cell phone and requested a selfie of the historical moment. She was not amused even though I was positively beaming!
I hastily texted my girlfriend the fabulous news!
She immediately texted back, “They probably card everyone there.”
I chose to ignore my jealous (and slightly older) girlfriend’s text. “Wow!” I stated loudly, “The new soy & oatmeal facial cleanser my girlfriend made me this weekend must really be working!”
Another glare from my grandmotherly cashier.
My newly improved mood was not to be dampened. “You should try it sometime.” I offered.
Okay, perhaps that was not the best tidbit of advice to the woman who was trying to effectively ignore the party I was throwing at her check stand – but it stood to reason that she actually worked at a place that sold all the ingredients and if it was obviously taking years off my personage in a matter of days, why should I not share this glorious recommendation? Plus she looked like she could use some skin care advice – her pursed lips were giving her some pretty wicked wrinkles around the nostrils.
Never mind that I had just come from a cycling class and I was wearing no makeup, sweaty gym clothes and had my hair in a Judy Jetson ponytail and that an older lady who had obviously forgotten to put her spectacles on that morning was carding me. I had just dropped thirty years in three days using my gifted homemade “Oh Soy! Cleanser”. At this rate I would be able to slip back into the high school hallways unnoticed by the end of next week! (Not that I would EVER want to relive the high school years, but the vision was gratifying.)
I skipped out of the store positively beaming as I made my way to my Mommy SUV with the “Parent of Washington State University Cougar” license plate. Hmmm. If I were to maintain my youthful façade I would definitely have to lose the current wheels. And the reading glasses, and the spanx , and the devil-may-care attitude that comes with being over a certain age and not particularly caring what people say behind your back. Darn, it’s probably not worth the effort. We had to work hard to get to that place in our mind that says “F U to the judgmental types,” and I really can’t read the newspaper without my reading glasses anymore.
Oh well – I’m still going to use my new cleanser! My skin feels great, my bathroom smells like cookies and apparently the “wisdom lines” creasing my forehead have miraculously disappeared. Maybe it’s the cleanser, maybe it’s the attitude. Regardeless, I am DEFINITELY going to go that same check stand every time I shop at Trader Joes.
Recipe for “Oh Soy! Cleanser”
1 cup soy milk; ½ cup rolled oats; 1 Tablespoon honey
Put all of the ingredients in a blender and blend on high-speed until smooth and creamy. Pour the cleanser into a clean jar with a tight fitting lid. To use, pour a small amount in the palm of your hand, gently massage into skin. (I used mine with my fake Clarisonic) Rinse well with warm water and pat skin dry.
Store in refrigerator between uses. (which by the way the cold cleanser feels incredible on your face) It will keep for 2 – 3 weeks. Your skin will feel great and the added benefit is that your bathroom will smell like freshly baked cookies!